Breakups can be soul crushing. Depending on the length of time together, the nature of the relationship and whether you were married or living together, they can crush a person to the very core of their being. Here are some tips on how to be happy after a breakup, no matter what situation you are facing.
Take good care of yourself
Be kind to yourself, have self-compassion for what you are going through and take good care of yourself during this tumultuous time. A relationship breakup is an emotional upheaval, it is a life changing event and it takes time to recover and heal wounds. Cover the basics and be sure to eat well, exercise and do the things in life that can help you feel even just slightly better.
It is important through the healing process to tend to your own basic needs and self. Exercise healthy self-care, even if it is hard.
Be with friends and family and get support
Reach out to others for support and company. Go out with your friends, call your friends, get out of the house or reach out to family members for support. With a breakup, there is a void in our lives and that void needs to be filled somehow. Life can feel empty and painfully lonely without our significant other. Therefore, it helps to reach out to others and to be around other people.
If needed, think about joining a support group for additional help, too. If the relationship was a long-term marriage, a support group may be just the ticket to help you through. Being around others who are facing a similar situation can help you feel not so alone. Support groups can also offer us a new perspective on our situation.
A therapist can also help, if the nature of the breakup is particularly difficult, tumultuous or painful. A therapist can help us to learn about ourselves, the mistakes we may have made and can help us to learn and grow from those mistakes. There is nothing worse than feeling like you made a drastic mistake, and a therapist can help you change your ways to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Do activities you enjoy, pursue your goals and dreams
Get out and still enjoy yourself. Pursue your own goals and dreams, and don’t let them slide. Being single again has its advantages, so take advantage of this solo time to tend to YOU, and do the activities that you enjoy the most.
Write down your goals and dreams and pursue them. This is a great time for renewed optimism and new direction! When we are in pursuit of a personal goal, it uplifts our spirit and renews our faith and confidence in ourselves. This by itself can help us to feel much better and happier through a painful breakup.
Learn and grow from the experience
What have you learned about yourself through the relationship? Did you make mistakes that can be corrected for the next time, and can you become a better person by changing any behaviors that you don’t like or that your partner complained about?
Each relationship is an opportunity to learn about ourselves, to change and to grow. We can become better people for them, by paying attention to the cues that were given to us. Those cues are a gift, so view them this way. This relationship did not work out, but with some personal reflection and effort, the next one can be far better, and you will be a better person for it.
Forgive yourself for any mistakes
Self-forgiveness and self-compassion are important through the healing process. If you made mistakes in your relationship, no matter how big or small, have compassion for yourself. You did the best you could given the knowledge you had at the time, and for the person that you were at that point.
Along with growing and learning from our mistakes, is to have compassion for ourselves for our mistakes. The key is to learn not to repeat the same mistakes. Again, a relationship can help point out where we may have gone wrong and allows us the opportunity to make important changes within ourselves for the next go around.
Forgive the other person for their mistakes
Also forgive your partner. Forgiveness may take a long time, it may not come immediately or automatically and it does not mean that you agree with or support any poor behavior. Forgiveness of others is more for ourselves, to let go of any anger we hold onto. In reality, holding onto anger, rage or resentment only harms us, not our partners.
If you need to, journal your angry feelings. Let them out and process them, and allow yourself time to heal – but let go. You will feel better and much happier for it.
Embrace self-love through this time. We all have many wonderful gifts and wonderful qualities that are unique only to us. Each person is special. We all have something amazing to offer to the right person – and there is the key – to the right person.
Perhaps this person was the wrong one to give yourself, your life and your heart to, but that does not mean you are not lovable and worthy of love with another. Embrace all the wonderful qualities you have. The right person will appreciate them.
Accept the relationship ending and let go
Acceptance is difficult for many and many hold onto their relationships long after they have ended. Or, they hold onto hopes for rekindling the relationship. In the beginning, sometimes the ending can be a shock to the system, especially if the breakup came unexpectedly and was unplanned or unanticipated. It can take time to recover from the shock, and we cannot control that timeframe. But the sooner we can come to a place of acceptance, the better off we will be.
As painful as acceptance is, relationships end for a good reason, typically. Sometimes, they can come back together, if both people are willing and still love each other, but most often, not. Think about the reasons for the ending. Write them down, even. Understand that the relationship had to end for legitimate reasons and know what those reasons are.
Letting go is allowing yourself freedom from the heavy weight of a dead relationship. Understand that most relationships do not work out. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce for a reason. Relationships can be very difficult to maintain, and it is also difficult to find just the right match.
Once you realize that this really was not the right match for yourself or for your partner, you can feel better, lighter and happier. The key to acceptance is embracing that this was not the best match.
Be optimistic about future relationships
Just because this one did not work out, does not mean that life is over and that no one else will come along. We cannot see or predict the future, and we never know when or how we will meet the next potential partner. Be optimistic that someone else may come along and don’t think or believe doomsday thoughts.
It is easy to think this way once an important relationship ends, but take the time to heal, pursue your interests and goals and you never know whom you may meet along the way.
So, there are some ways on how to be happy after a breakup. If you follow this blueprint or even just a few of these tips, you will feel happier and more at peace through the healing and recovery process.
Here’s to your healing and to your happiness!