My Personal Story of Being Single
I personally have been single on and off throughout my entire 46 years. I have spent a lot of time being single and most importantly, being happily single. And yes, I have also spent significant time being unhappily single, so I can speak on both fronts from a personal viewpoint.
When I was unhappily single, admittedly I was looking for someone else or a relationship to bring me all the happiness and fulfillment that I was missing in my own life. I falsely believed that if only I had a boyfriend who loved me, cared for me and who spent time with me, my life would be far better, less empty and I would be that much much happier.
This was a falsehood! You know what the reality was? I was still unhappy and unfulfilled, even when in a relationship! The relationship only served as a distraction and band aid for my problems, but when I was alone, I still felt unhappy!
I am also now much more fully aware of just how much my own unhappiness and lack of fulfillment negatively impacted my romantic relationships. When one person in the relationship is unhappy with themselves or their lives, it does have an impact on the health of the relationship. It creates a silent weight on the other person and drags them down rather than lifts them up.
At the time, I was more emotionally needy because of all that lacked within myself and within my life. My neediness caused stress within my relationships. I craved attention and company. I needed too much from the relationship and leaned on the other person far too much, which created a strain on all my relationships.
On the opposite end, when I have been happily single, my life felt much more complete and I was happy all on my own. I did not need a relationship to fulfill me because I felt fulfilled already. I had exciting hobbies, personal goals and projects I was working on, I had good friends to keep me company and I was enthusiastic and positive about my life.
How Do We Be Happily Single?
To be happily single, we must fill our lives up with friendships, activities, fun or exciting projects, hobbies and personal goals and not be looking to a relationship to do this for us. We must feel happy and complete in our lives all on our own. We must be able to function entirely independent of a relationship or another individual. In other words, we cannot be dependent on another for our own happiness. Doing so puts far too much pressure on the other person and the relationship itself, which creates an emotional dependency and imbalance. That is not healthy for the relationship. In fact, that is an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
So instead of seeking a love relationship to fulfill you and make you happy, look within and start within first. Take action steps towards fulfilling yourself first and towards being happy all on your own. Create goals for yourself; develop hobbies; pursue your interests; do fun activities; exercise and make new friends, if friends are lacking. Create dreams and pursue them. Pour all of your energy into yourself and your own life and date yourself!
Once we feel happy and fulfilled ourselves, we no longer look longingly to a relationship like we may have previously. No longer do happy couples annoy, anger us or make us feel sad or despondent. In fact, the opposite occurs; we feel happy seeing other couples being in love because we ourselves are happy, too.
Get out, Date, Play the Field and Enjoy it
Then when you are ready, get out and date! Casual dating while single can be loads of fun, if we choose to see it this way. Dating is just like trying on a shirt to see if it fits right and suits our needs and personal style. Dating in this manner is extremely self-empowering. We can pick and choose our dates and partners, depending on their suitability for us. If one isn’t quite right after one or two dates, move on and meet someone new, but don’t get discouraged. We never know when, where or how the right person will come along, but we can most certainly enjoy the ride along the way!
Meeting lots of different people of different walks of life is interesting and can be a very fun and enriching life experience while we’re single and playing the field. We can also learn a lot about ourselves, our likes, dislikes and preferences through casual dating. So rather than dreading it or viewing dating as a chore or a pain as many of us can, view it as a fun and interesting journey of self-discovery to find the one you truly want.
So there are some pointers on how to be happy single. Here’s to your happiness!